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Establishing successful,
stress-free relations within a step-family unit is undoubtedly a
major challenge, but the rewards can be very great. If you find
yourself in a new role of step-parent, you may find it useful to
remember the following points.
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It may be best,
depending on the age of the children, not to attempt to
replace a lost or displaced parent, but rather make it
clear that you would prefer to be regarded as a close
and trusted friend.
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Try as far as
possible to remain detached in relation to the
children’s natural mother or father, whom they may have
lost through bereavement or divorce. In neither case is
it wise to ignore the existence of the absent parent, or
to make him or her the object of criticism or hostility.
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In your efforts to
adjust to your new family, be fair in relation to your
own children; avoid double standards, and try not to
favor them, or conversely, to let them feel left out;
aim for the best possible relations between them and
their new step-brothers and sisters, but remember that
this is all bound to take time, so try not to be
impatient.
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If you have a child
of your own after taking over the role of step- mother
or step-father to your partner’s children, be careful
not to seem to lose interest in them while you are
absorbed in your own new baby, by remaining aware of how
unfair this would be on children whose confidence you
have won.
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