Time Outs

Time-outs are a basic tool for controlling violence. They provide a structure that allows you to break abusive patterns. Time-outs not only stop the violence, they also help to rebuild trust. The rules are simple;

When you're angry say, "I'm beginning to feel angry. I need to take a time-out." In this way you communicate directly; you take responsibility for your own feelings and assure the other person that you’re committed to avoiding violence.

• Leave for an hour.

• Don’t take drugs or drive.

• Do something physical. Take a walk, run, ride a bike.

• Return in an hour (no more, no less). If you live up to your agreement, it will build trust.

• Ask the person you were angry with if he or she wants to discuss what made you angry.

Alcohol and drugs do not cause violence. But if you have a problem with violence they can make it worse. Alcohol and drugs may lessen your ability to control violent impulses.

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