Problems Encountered By Stepfamilies |
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The same problems found in all family relationships: sibling rivalry, friction between parents and children, attempts by kids to play one parent against the other, disobedience, lack of understanding by spouse. Those problems, however, are more complicated because of the different structure of the stepfamily, and other problems arise just because of that unique structure.
One problem common to stepfamilies is the fact that there is a biological parent outside the stepfamily unit. Even when the natural parent has died, this absent parent continues to represent a strong psychological force within the family. Children usually think that the parent who is no longer with them was perfect and that the stepparent can never fill his or her shoes. Children and teens need to learn that they must accept the stepparent as a person and not compare him or her to the natural parent. Pictures of a dead spouse often hang in places of honor in the house even after a second marriage; this does not help the new spouse feel at home.
When the other parent is still alive, his or her power can be very great. If the relationship between the ex-spouses is amicable, cooperation can take place, but this good feeling can diminish when an ex-spouse remarries. Power struggles become all too common.
For example, a step family consisting of a wife and her two children and a husband and his three children has trouble forming good relationships because the ex-spouses insist on following visitation patterns set before the marriage. These visitation rights require the husband is kids to visit their mother every weekend and on holidays. That leaves the new stepmother, who works, little time to relax with her stepchildren. The new family has no time for fun activities.
Another stepfamily plans a vacation way ahead of time. Their plans are all set, and the luggage is packed. At the last minute the husband's ex-wife calls to says that she has decided to have the kids stay with her for the weekend instead of going on the vacation. This occurrence is very common and causes great emotional distress.
Another stepfamily problem is rules. One family has one set of rules, and the other family has another, totally different set. What is important in one household may not matter in the other household. The teen is confused.
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